As the 2015 chapter of my life comes to a close, it is natural for me to reflect on the type of year I’ve had. I usually would add it as another page to my journal but not this year. I’m doing things a lot different this year.
This last year was full of growth, love, tears, laughter and nope, not your typical happily ever after but that doesn’t mean my life isn’t full of love and all the things that truly matter.
It brings to mind this awesome quote from Chicago’s “All That Jazz” when Velma Kelly is opening up her show in an awesome and high energy musical number and belts out toward the end of the song,
No, I’m no one’s wife
But, Oh, I love my life
That part seriously gives me the chills and has recently stirred up strong emotions toward being in my late 20’s, unmarried with no current prospects (As they would say in a Jane Austen novel) and with no children.
Let me expand on this a bit.
I love Disney movies. As I have mentioned before, Cinderella is my ultimate favorite. However, they have set up this terrible expectation in the girls that watch them and grow up to be women like me and you to wait on our Prince Charming to come and rescue us. Disney has shied away from it recently but that message can still be seen in the older films. It implants the idea that a woman’s life is not complete if she hasn’t found her gallant prince. I always thought I was above all of these petty beliefs and ideals, and earlier this year I realized that sadly, no, I was not. I found myself talking to my best friends and realizing that we were all just waiting for our Prince Charmings to sweep us off our feet and carry us into the sunset and had this ridiculous idea that all of our problems would disappear when he came our way. Even though we know this doesn’t happen, we didn’t want to give up the fairytale. I’m sure once I meet that special someone I will feel another level of happiness and I will embrace it. Nevertheless, now that I’ve completed my Alive workshops, I found out that I don’t need a man to rescue me. I am and always have been quite capable of rescuing myself and that is exactly what I did this year.
This year I faced my fears, insecurities, bad habits and broke barriers to discover my true self and the things I really want to create in this life. The last few months have been full of so many blessings that I honestly had to stop and pinch myself and ask, “Is this really me? Is this really my life now?” Then, I stopped myself. I reminded myself that I have come a long way from doubting the things I deserve and to feel that I am worthy of the blessings coming my way and so many more. As long as I have God in my corner, belief in myself and my abilities and the support from the people that I love, I will be successful and have a happy life. Everything else is just filler. I can finally say, without a shred of doubt, that I love my life. It isn’t perfect, I struggle and doubt and cry and laugh and love and anger just like everyone else, but I have peace in my heart. I now have the strong belief that I am capable of being successful in everything I do and if I fail, there is always a lesson to learn and a new chapter to write.
When I started 2015, I was drunk at a party and super disappointed with a relationship that didn’t pan out and continuously sad about the things that didn’t go right. I would hide it behind a big smile and some kind of mixed drink but I knew I wasn’t truly happy. As 2015 comes to a close, I am so unbelievably happy and ready to continue to transform my life and push limits. I am ready to break barriers and I pray to God the people I love are ready for it as well! How things have changed. This is it, my farewell to 2015. I will leave it in the past, take with me the lessons it has taught me and put it to rest. Because I can’t start a new year or step into the future without letting go of the past, even a year as good as this one. However, I will not do it until I acknowledge the people that have made the biggest difference.
Firstly, I want to give a big THANK YOU to God! He knows my heart and knows how I feel but I would love to praise Him here, in this other sacred place of mine for all the trials, opportunities and blessings he has sent my way. I realize it wasn’t my job to understand why it’s happening to me but to question what I can learn from it. Without His strength, wisdom, love and kindness I wouldn’t have been able to make it through so many of the amazingly challenging situations sent my way.
Secondly, I want to thank you Mami! Without you I wouldn’t have been able to come back to California, work full time and go back to school, finish my Liderazgo or commit to my new goals for 2016. You are the most amazingly kind woman I know and I would be beyond blessed to be half the woman and mother you are. I pray we get to accomplish all of our goals and make our dreams come true together.
Thirdly, I would like to thank my siblings. Laura, you challenge me daily to be a better person and to never settle for less than I deserve. We don’t always agree on things but I’m happy to know I have you by my side through every good and bad moment of this life. Where would I be without you? Sonia I treasure our crazy Car-eoke sessions, long chats and love for Harry Potter! Then, there’s you my lil man. Damien, what can I say? You’re like the child I had at 15 without actually giving birth. You taught me to be selfless and to see life through a child’s eyes again. Your kindness and loving spirit always makes me feel like we’re doing something right! Because I know you will do great things!
Fourthly, to my amazing family and friends that never cease to challenge me, inspire me and make me a better person. You all push me to keep being me and to never stop working toward making my dreams come true. You never give up on me and each bring something special and unique to my life! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to all the people at Alive who have guided me through the most amazing Journey of my life. You are my new family and hold a very special place in my heart. Darlene, Fernanda and Antonia, you three have made serious impacts on my life and I am grateful God brought us together. It doesn’t end here, this is just the beginning!
Lastly, I want to thank you. Yes you. The person who takes the time to read this blog. It’s my safe haven where I can pour my thoughts, soul, love, passion and wisdom and you actually stop your life to read it. I thank you for making time for me. For giving this blog a chance and for continuing to come back. I am grateful to have the opportunity to share a part of my life with you.
I know this seemed like a long, long list of thank you’s, but I just couldn’t let one more day go by without acknowledging these people publicly. I do it privately all the time but I live my life based on this new found love for life, expressing my gratitude and counting every blessing. Now I will wave goodbye to 2015 and welcome 2016 with open arms and a big genuine smile. Because this upcoming year will be all about my new motto
“GO BIG OR GO HOME!”