I. AM. ALIVE.

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Nothing I live through or experience could ever undo the amazing progress I made this weekend!

Bold statement, I know. However, this past weekend, I rode an insane emotional roller coaster during a 4 day workshop that seriously pushed me to my limits! I did things I never thought I’d have the guts to do and I am so unbelievably happy with the results of all the hard work I put in.

I can’t go into details about the exercises because those are the rules, and I can honestly see why. If you know me, see the change in me and want to make this exact change, then I would be robbing you of a wonderfully transformational experience. You would know what to expect and then your reactions or responses to the exercises in the workshop wouldn’t be genuine or any good for you. The point of this workshop is to push you, to separate you from your fears, doubts, insecurities, etc and find your authentic-self. That part of your inner being you started out with as a child and lost along the way. They break you down and build you back up again in a way that completely shifts your perspective on life. So what I will share is my reaction to this four day work shop and what I discovered within myself.

First of all…My name is Evelyn, I am a woman that is responsible, confident, loving, passionate and brave.

The first day of the workshop was a rude awakening! I left feeling drained, vulnerable, raw and just hypersensitive to everything and everyone around me and how I relate to it all.

How unhappy I’ve been with my past choices. How I’m living a life where I just go from my room, to work, to school and back to my room and not taking action to fulfill the promises and goals I set for myself.

Throughout the 4 days, however, I was able to put  all of that to rest and focus on what it’s gonna take to create a brighter future for myself and the people around me. I was shown that the tools to success can be found within myself, and I just have to be brave enough to use them. I was also privileged to see the transformation of all of the other people around me that were also taking the workshop. Some I knew from the basic workshop we took a month ago and some were new faces I had never seen before. It was very interesting to watch other brave people who went through the same things I did but also through their own personal journey toward self acceptance and self love. It was truly a gift to watch how on Thursday we all arrived looking tired, dishevelled and just lacking confidence and on Sunday we all left with smiles on our faces and a look of determination in our eyes.

With this determination in mind, I would like to share with you the areas of my life I realized need improvement:

  1. Responsibility – At some point along the road, I lost my sense of responsibility. First and foremost to myself and then to the people around me, after that my community, society and world we live in. I created a wall that made it seem like I didn’t take anything or anyone seriously and I am working hard to change that.To take responsibility for what I do and the lives I touch.
  2. Confidence – Although I may seem like I don’t care about what others think, the truth is I have let myself be the worst judge of all. I have been the one that hasn’t been secure enough to dare to dream big and I have limited myself to the easy way, the way that makes the most “sense”. But in doing so I have forgotten my dreams, my passion for life and I have let what other’s will think of my choices affect me. So from now on, no holding back. I will go big or go home!
  3. Love – After being burned by the people I most loved in the life, it has been hard not to build up a wall around my heart to protect myself. Although I’m not gonna go and just give my heart to just anyone, I am going to make sure that I give it completely to those who truly appreciate it. I will also be sure to pour it into everything I do, think and feel! I will love myself and never forget that that is the most important relationship in my life. Without loving myself and showing people how I expect to be loved, how do I expect anyone else to love me the the fullest or should I say the way I deserve to be loved?  In the end, what would this world be like without love? I hope we never find out!
  4. Passion – On the road to growing up and being a “Reasonable” adult, I lost my sense of passion. I forgot to feel, desire, to get completely lost in something I love,while I gained a “reasonable” lifestyle. In reality, what I lost was way worse. I lost my drive and thirst for new experiences and created a life of obligation and resentment. In forgetting what I loved to do, I lost who I am. I LOVE to write. I LOVE to cook. I LOVE to read. I LOVE To tell people that I love them and to show them I do as well. I will no longer forget to actively live a life full of passionate embraces, desires, thoughts or actions.
  5. Bravery – This word is thrown around a lot lately, however, I plan to do everyday acts of bravery. Things that require courage, like continuing to grow and stepping out of my comfort zones. Setting the example for the little eyes that look up to me.

These are the areas of my life I have realized I need to work on and will never stop improving. I must keep myself accountable and declaring it here on this blog is my way of doing so. I used to keep quiet about my dreams, my goals, and everything I set out to do in fear of not being able to meet my own expectations. No more! I also discovered that I have a voice and it is worth being heard. I will put myself out there and won’t let the fear of criticism or what other’s think get in the way of being heard. I will continue to search within mySELF and will always remember to live my life to the fullest and to live it for me! I am alive!

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